New Porn

Ice cream girls

On scrollers

Sliding down the screen

In little to nothing

This is the new porn

They warned us about

After paper things

Paper bodies

Glossy pages

And retro settings

Petrol stained girls against bikes

And bunnies

For some reason

Are made sexy?

And it’s all there

On your screen

No sneaking around

Or deleted history

This is yours now

This new porn

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Girls and boy

I was at the same time the best

and the worst

 

I felt myself torn apart

My bottom half was theirs

and my top was his

and he would stroke my hair

whilst they dug their nails

into the skin around my ankles

and in the moment when I’d look up

and see him staring down

I’d feel that wordless adoration

before their claws once more

plucked my toenails from my feet

and crawled up my legs

used knives to scar me

each one on each

 

So I found it hard to balance

with such a mess at my feet

Maybe I had to give up that part of me for him

 

I would give up anything for him.

20.3.18

She knew we were watching

and everyone else

As she led her parade

of butter skin

and salted and bleached hair

past boys who shouldn’t be looking

and girls who couldn’t stop

because these newly bronzed baby faces

are kissed and caressed

by our eyes

and they savour

the judgement

that imprints on their damp skin

and they pretend it’s a compliment

but this compliment

will bite them tomorrow

when they look in the mirror

and see our eyes looking back

 

It’s about a boy (pt.3)

The next time I saw him I ran away. I went to the library or I went to the gym. I can’t remember and it wasn’t important. I was trying to be coy. Bashful. Irresistible. But I’d done it wrong because I’d never done it before. And my friends asked me why I left and why it took me two days to come back. And in all honesty I don’t remember what I said, because I didn’t realise it had been two days. So when I saw him again, the next week, I sat quietly in the corner and tried my best to focus all attention on everything but his presence. Which is hard to do when you’re thinking about nothing but him. So my body shivered under the weight of my torture and I think I pulled it off quite well because he left the room and went to the kitchen or the toilet or home. It doesn’t matter. It cleared my head and everything was zero again.